sometimes it just gets to you

one would think that someone in my position would have nothing to feel blue about. true - i got a family that cares (however dysfunctional, hey they're family); i have real friends who have seen me through my shittiest and have still accepted me. i have a stable job in a company that (finally) recognised me for my efforts, talents, and hard work. yes, i got promoted to (middle) management. although technically, i havent assumed my post yet - it's just a matter of days. i get to sing in a choir - singing being one of the purest things i truly enjoy. i get to go to parties and events, in some cases even for free! i have books, reading has always been a passion. so what if i have like a dozen books in my shelf pending, waiting to be read? i'll get a chance to read them all. i get to eat good food: fine dining, street food, chocolates, coffee. life IS good. i thank my Maker that for the most part, i've been really lucky.

in spite of all these, all of a sudden it would just hit you. the smallest thing could act like a trigger, and everything would come flooding back in. this is one disadvantage of being connected almost 24/7. you have mobile phones, emails, social networking sites, etc. you are always just a click, a text away. so no matter how hard you try to steer away from something/someone, it becomes inevitable that your paths will meet. (cue in "It's All Coming Back" by Celine Dion)

it's crazy, really. it's been some time already. and for the most part, i have done very well. i have stuck to my professional plan of working hard and making sure i get to the next step. had this incident occured four, five years ago i definitely would have not made it. no, i would not have committed suicide. what i'm saying that back then, i would not be able to handle this sort of pressure and i would have caved in. several aspects of my life would have suffered big time. i am sure you get the picture.

this could be just a weather thing. seasonal affective disorder, as they call it. after all, the christmas season has already started (heck, it has started as soon as the -ber month kicked in! at least, this rings true in my country). we have been getting cool weather, which is really great. i dunno... i don't think the holidays are at fault here. after all, this season always makes me happy & warm inside. i always have something to look forward to during christmas: good food, the presents, etc. little things, really. so no, i take it this has nothing to do with the holidays.

sometimes, it just gets to you.

on my way

i have been working for the same company for a few days shy of fifteen months. congratulations to myself, this is quite a feat indeed!

what have i learned after fifteen months? this is a very good question indeed, for there should always be growth involved when it comes to your professional life - while it may not always be monetary growth, there are other factors to consider as well.

for one, there's friendship - i am proud to say that after all the mess i have been through at work, i still have people who watch my back (the same people, in fact), and whose backs i shall watch as well. i need not mention your names here, you know who you are. possessions are fleeting, it is said, but i feel these friendships can last a very long time. long after we have gone our separate ways and realise our potentials, we shall still be there, keeping touch and having fun. party! gv all the way!

discernment - funny how i still have a lot to learn about this. i mean, for someone who studied psychology, understanding people should be a breeze. and it has been for me. but sometimes, you just need to dig deeper in order to discern what it is that motivates/drives people to do certain things. despite the fact that you have been stabbed, scratched, humiliated and all, you have got to understand where these are coming from. a desire for power, a need for survival, a selfish compulsion, it doesn't matter. it takes a bigger person to do all this understanding, for sure. but doesnt being the bigger person pay off eventually? let's see.

work ethic - i can say that i have a strong work ethic, and this is proven by my performance since i was still in school. while there have been trials along the way which question this, i eventually survive and move on. resilience is the key. bottom line, the people i have worked with here can never (read: never!) say that i am a slacker, or that i don't pull my own weight.

leadership - sometimes, you really have to be the one to create opportunities for leadership. if you just wait for your immediate supervisor to give you the chance to spearhead an activity, or take charge of something, well you might end up waiting a long time. consider this - you've already got too much stuff in your hands with your basic work (the main reason why you were hired, in other words), your boss will obviously be in the same situation, and you got your other colleagues to worry about as well. if you see an opportunity to take charge, do it. volunteer to shoulder the responsibility. form a team, distribute the tasks, follow-up - these are very basic things that a leader should do. you know how they say a good leader is a good follower? i believe in this so much - personally, it's not just so much that you're a good follower, but basically it's that you were good at what you do even before you became a leader. i dont know if i made sense, but my point is: it would be hard for you to have people follow you if they know that you are not competent in the first place.

enough rambling. later.