sometimes it just gets to you

one would think that someone in my position would have nothing to feel blue about. true - i got a family that cares (however dysfunctional, hey they're family); i have real friends who have seen me through my shittiest and have still accepted me. i have a stable job in a company that (finally) recognised me for my efforts, talents, and hard work. yes, i got promoted to (middle) management. although technically, i havent assumed my post yet - it's just a matter of days. i get to sing in a choir - singing being one of the purest things i truly enjoy. i get to go to parties and events, in some cases even for free! i have books, reading has always been a passion. so what if i have like a dozen books in my shelf pending, waiting to be read? i'll get a chance to read them all. i get to eat good food: fine dining, street food, chocolates, coffee. life IS good. i thank my Maker that for the most part, i've been really lucky.

in spite of all these, all of a sudden it would just hit you. the smallest thing could act like a trigger, and everything would come flooding back in. this is one disadvantage of being connected almost 24/7. you have mobile phones, emails, social networking sites, etc. you are always just a click, a text away. so no matter how hard you try to steer away from something/someone, it becomes inevitable that your paths will meet. (cue in "It's All Coming Back" by Celine Dion)

it's crazy, really. it's been some time already. and for the most part, i have done very well. i have stuck to my professional plan of working hard and making sure i get to the next step. had this incident occured four, five years ago i definitely would have not made it. no, i would not have committed suicide. what i'm saying that back then, i would not be able to handle this sort of pressure and i would have caved in. several aspects of my life would have suffered big time. i am sure you get the picture.

this could be just a weather thing. seasonal affective disorder, as they call it. after all, the christmas season has already started (heck, it has started as soon as the -ber month kicked in! at least, this rings true in my country). we have been getting cool weather, which is really great. i dunno... i don't think the holidays are at fault here. after all, this season always makes me happy & warm inside. i always have something to look forward to during christmas: good food, the presents, etc. little things, really. so no, i take it this has nothing to do with the holidays.

sometimes, it just gets to you.